Saturday, February 17, 2007

Baby's First Mash-Up
Y'all ain't ready for Starland Vocal Band vs. Jimi Hendrix, so we'll start you off simple.

I must give credit to my beloved wife (she of the missing flowers in the previous post) -- she thought this up. I just spent a few hours working it out on my CDJs and finding out the best way to record it on my Powerbook and get it somewhere she could download it. So anyway, big shout out to MC Home Wrekka a.k.a. Baby Half Face a.k.a Daisy Hannigan a.k.a Agent Xtra Silky

Beyonce' Vs. Annie Lennox - No More Replaceable (DJ MC Hesher Mix)

Yes the levels are wack and the beats don't match in places. It a sketch of what could be, so take with a grain of salt.

If you are some random stranger coming across this, please be kind to my bandwith. Download it and spread it around however you see fit. Just remember to credit your old pal DJ MC Hesher a.k.a Undeadsinatra a.k.a Young Moz a.k.a. The Cutest Boy In Cyberspace.

Labels: Annie Lennox, Beyonce', mash-up

posted by Randy on 1:51 AM | permanent link to this entry

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Why Does FTD Hate Love?

(this is an actual complaint letter I sent to FTD.com --- UPDATE score one for FTD. I just got off the phone with them. A nice fellow named Jonathan called me at work and admitted that the SF-based florist they assigned the order to was lame. On Tuesday at work, my beloved wife will get an awesome upgrade with "Apoligies from FTD" on the card along with my original Valentine's message.

The florist is in deep shit with FTD. Jonathan listened to all my suggestions about improving this stuff from an operations perspective and promised to pass 'em on (you know, staff up on valentine's day, check on deliveries on
V-day and if no repsonse from the lame florist or no delivery confirmation then alert the customer, etc, etc).

He didn't ask for it, but I gave him permission to print out my letter and
hang it in his cube.

Dear FTD Executives,

Hello there. My name is Randy Reiss. I have a question -- What does FTD have against Valentine's Day? I ask because my recent experience trying to get flowers to my wife on Valentine's Day was so botched that I can only assume it was done as part of a master plan to break up couples around the world.

On Monday 02/12/2007, I went to the FTD.com website and was relieved to see that you were still taking orders for Valentine's Day. I ordered a My One & Only Bouquet to be delivered to my wife on 02/14/2007 and got a confirmation e-mail for my order (order #XXXXXXXXX).

The flowers were not delivered to my wife on 02/14/2007. It is now almost 3 o'clock on 02/15/2007 and there are still no flowers at her desk, reminding her of how much I love her. I tried to check the status of my order on 02/14 and 02/15 on the phone and through the web site and both times I got a message saying that due to the holiday volume, the status could not be checked. Adding insult to injury, clicking the "e-mail us" link on your website take me to a page that doesn't offer me any way to e-mail you -- no forms to fill out, no actual e-mail address.

Are you people for real? How does FTD get to Valentine's Day, which I assume is your busiest time of the year, and drop the ball so badly? To wit:

-Why was there a big "still time to order" message on your web site, when clearly there was not?
-How can you possibly be doing business with a local florist who can't get it together to make deliveries on Valentine's Day? I don't live in a one horse town -- we're talking San Francisco, California. How hard can it be find a competent florist/delivery service here? My wife's office isn't hard to find -- she works in the 101 California building, one of the biggest and most well-know buildings in San Francisco's Financial District. There were flower deliveries to her building all day long --- just not one for her. Knowing how hurtful it can be for people not to get flowers on Valentine's Day, especially when people are getting flowers all around, how can you be doing business with a local florist who doesn't go through HEROIC MEASURES to get flowers delivered on time?
-Knowing the importance of Valentine's Day to relationships around the world, how could you not have a system in place to a) not take orders when delivery cannot be guaranteed and/or b) send a notice to the customer when this order will not make it in time?
-Knowing that Valentine's Day is your busiest time of the year, how can you not staff up enough to have delivery inquiries answered via phone and e-mail? Why even bother with the pretense of an inquiry page on your website if the e-mail that comes back to customers is "Sorry, Charlie, we're too busy rolling around on a big pile of money and flowers to call the local slackers we directed your order to."

Back to my original question: Why does FTD hate love?

To say the least, my wife was not happy. And neither am I.

If it comes to it, will FTD be paying for my DIVORCE? If it comes to it, I'll be asking you to give a deposition about FTD's INCOMPETENCE. And if it comes to it, are you coming over to meet my MANLY NEEDS? 'cos after my wife DIVORCES me and/or KILLS HERSELF, I'm still gonna want to do the wild thing on a regular basis and since FTD HAS FIGURATIVELY FUCKED ME, I FIGURE THEY MIGHT AS WELL LITERALLY DO IT AS WELL.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

I am not a satisfied customer. At minimum, I'd like my money back and the flowers delivered to my wife However, she is out of the office tomorrow and Monday. Doesn't this mean she should get flowers with interest? I believe an apology is also in order and if you want to go the extra mile an answer to all the questions I asked above and an explanation of how all those problems in your operation will be fixed. A list of everyone who was fired because of this will go a long way towards soothing my pain.

By the way, my wife is a tiger in the sack. You'll have a lot to live up to.

Randy Reiss
randyr {at} rcn dot com
posted by Randy on 3:29 PM | permanent link to this entry